Sex Move of the Week: The French Tickler

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Pick Up Line of the Week

Are you an angel? Because it's going to take a miracle to get rid of these herpes.

Songs to Hump to

Everyone can agree that when used correctly music can greatly accompany a good pounding in the sack, but it has to be the right music.  I'm going to throw convention out the window and not recommend any Marvin Gaye or Barry White.  These recommendations come straight from me and have greatly supplemented my boning.

1. Pary Hard - Andrew W.K.
What is sex besides just a long, sweaty party in your pants?

2. Hooker With a Penis - Tool
Come on, we've all been there before.

3. Cinema - Benny Benassi (Skrillex Remix)
Great song once you get past the mushy "You are a cinema" part.  What does that even mean?  What makes this a great banging song is Skrillex's parts after the chorus.  Get ready to bust a nut after that sick bass drop.

4. Love Me Dead - Ludo
This song is a perfect example of how to speak to your significant other.  First you say she's born of a jackal and tell her she's beautiful.

5. Come Together - The Beatles
Little known fact: John Lennon wrote "Come Together" after a bukkake session the Beatles had with Yoko Ono.

6. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses
Most people would assume if a GNR song was on this list it would be Sweet Child O' Mine or November Rain.  November Rain is way too long to keep up with and Sweet Child O' Mine is over played.  Welcome to the Jungle is a classic and still maintains some sexy undertones.

7. Sweet Child O' Mine - Taken By Trees
Okay you're probably wondering why I didn't add the Guns N' Roses version, but that piano.  That's all I have to say.

8. Drive - Incubus
Fact: Nothing gets women wetter than listening to Incubus.

9. Hot For Teacher - Van Halen
So this song only works if your fucking your teacher, but that's where the magic of role playing comes in.  Unless you really are fucking your teacher, then all I can say is congrats.  (This blog does not encourage sexual intercourse between teachers and students, but will still secretly high five them if said intercourse occurs.)

10. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
How can you make a song ooze with more sexuality than hearing Trent Reznor say he wants to fuck you like an animal?  Answer: You can't.

SFW Porn Birthday Card

One of my favorite hobbies is editing porn scenes into SFW pictures using MS Paint.  Today is my friend's 21st birthday and I decided to make him a SFW card because they are fun to make, it shows I remembered his birthday, and I'm a cheap bastard.  The hardest part of making these are editing it so it's not so obvious the chick is getting railed.  I replaced one dick with a party streamer since it was already in her mouth.  The one in her right hand was harder (hehehe) to obscure because it's in an awkward position.  The only thing I could come up with was making it one of those party noise makers you spin and see on New Year's Eve, but yeah it still looks like a dick.  BTW, it looks like she is blowing that streamer really hard.

Sex Move of the Week: The Texas Wrangler

The Texas Wrangler is sure to spice up any lackluster handjob (all of them).  You start by making a thumbs down with your hand like your criticizing his manhood, but you use this sign of disapproval to grab his penis. It utilizes the same up and down motion that a regular handjob uses but you now have your thumb to give you more options.  Rotate it to massage the base of the shaft or use it to tickle his balls.  Now this only works with couples or in a group setting.  The Texas Wrangler is not meant to be used solo since the rotation  of the wrist and the repeated motion can lead to carpal tunnel.

Disclaimer

I'll preface by saying this blog is definitely NSFW or for any impressionable young minds.  With that said this blog will focus on one of the finer things in life, sex.  More specifically strip club etiquette, unorthodox sex moves, and just general deviancy (short of bestiality).  I may feature things that will offend or disturb most people, so as a test if you don't know what futa is or think atm is something you get money from then avert your eyes and exit or stick around and let your curiosity get the better of you.  You might learn something interesting.